Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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