He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
