U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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