I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
