wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
