Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
