My hand turned me down
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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