Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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