i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
