is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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