What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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