You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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