I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
