blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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