I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
