You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
