I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
