dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
