that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
