Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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