I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
