11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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