Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
