can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
