if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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