Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
