You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
