my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
