I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
