eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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