yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Randomize
