he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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