My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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