I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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