fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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