mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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