tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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