don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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