I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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