I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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