Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
