I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want to have your abortion
Where is the hickey?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
