Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
