I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
