I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
