All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
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You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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