Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
