Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
