my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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