Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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