i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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