I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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