All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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