I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell her she can't have a vagina
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
