if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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