I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
