This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
