allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
