Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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