Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
