i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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