Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
