I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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