I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
