I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
