I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
