at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
