JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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